


Episode One

by octoaliencowboy



Series: Bat Family Comedy AU [1]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Batfamily, Family Drama, Mostly not beta read, Multi, family comedy au, hoo hoo, no capes AU, talia is here to drink tea and steal your gf and she’s all out of tea, the batkids are literal kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 08:06:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18178052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octoaliencowboy/pseuds/octoaliencowboy
Summary: It’s a peaceful day in Gotham— or at least as peaceful as it ever gets. Selina slept over at her boyfriend’s place last night and then stayed for breakfast, but no one warned her Bruce’s ex wife visited on weekends. The result of this encounter may not be what you’d expect.In other news, Dick is seemingly living his best life, and Jason is getting kinda frustrated with his dad.





	Episode One

**Author's Note:**

> Huzzah! First part of the family comedy au is FINALLY done! I’m very excited about this, the incoming drama is going to be off the charts

Gotham City was more consistently overcast than any other major city in New Jersey, maybe even all of the United States. The combination of air pollution and cloud covering always gave the sky a dreary feel to it, gray and heavy nearly every day of the year. The citizens of Gotham were all long accustomed to the weather. They wore sweaters in the summer and bundled up for the winter in huge parkas that one would normally only see so commonly much farther north. Canada Goose sold astonishingly well down in Gotham. 

 

Even this early in September the weather was turning chilly fast. It was the first saturday after the start of the school year, and at nearly mid day people were bustling about the city, busy as they ever were. 

 

Some described Gotham as being near dystopian. The architecture certainly gave it such a feel. Dark, heavy gothic revival architecture cast deep shadows across the depths of the city. 

 

But despite the drabness outside, inside Wayne Manor was as bright and animated as could be. The atmosphere inside the grand property was rarely low energy, what with the home being as full as it was. It was never empty, and never quiet. If it was quiet, then there was something wrong. 

 

The kitchen that late morning was the furthest thing from quiet. The whole family was gathered around the table, eating breakfast and talking jovially amongst themselves. Bruce Wayne, the family’s patriarch, sat at the head of the table, calmly eating his eggs and contentedly watching the ruckus his children made around him. To his side sat Selina Kyle, who did not live at the manor but had stayed over the night before, and was now staying for breakfast. She and Bruce had started dating only about a month ago. Selina was new to Gotham, having only just moved there recently. It felt to her like she learned something new and increasingly strange about Bruce’s family with every day she spent becoming a part of it. 

 

At the other end of the table was the youngest of the family. Damian Wayne, at only one and a half years old had already mastered walking on his own, and now he was a menace that could disappear from your sight in less than a second. Right now he wasn’t going anywhere, trapped in his high chair as he was. There was a pile of plain scrambled eggs on the tray that he alternated between putting in his mouth to eat or throwing at his brother Tim’s head with little shrieks of laughter. His bushy little eyebrows were like expressive caterpillars stuck to his face, that made Damian seem less like an innocent little tot and more like an evil villain, complete with maniacal laugh. 

 

Tim Drake, nine years old, was oblivious to the bits of egg getting stuck in his hair. His nose was buried in his 3DS, breakfast untouched in front of him. Next to Tim sat Duke, the second youngest at six years old, shovelling in his cereal with unmatched enthusiasm. He, Tim, and Cass would be leaving for their Jiu-Jitsu classes soon, and Duke was excited to finally be at the junior level.

 

Cassandra Cain, who had just turned twelve earlier that year, ate her own breakfast with much less urgency but no less mess. Alfred Pennyworth, the family butler, had to longsufferingly remind her every so often to wipe the jam off her face and fingers with a napkin,  _ not  _ her sleeve. Across the table from her sat the second oldest child, Jason Todd. Jason was a precocious thirteen year old, entrenched deeply in the phase all thirteen year olds went through where they acted pretentiously like they were smarter than everyone else. His family knew it was a phase, and mostly just let it slide, but privately Jason’s older brother Dick thought he didn’t have to act so snooty just because he had already read  _ To Kill A Mockingbird. _ It wasn’t that book that Jason was reading right then, though, instead in his hand he held a copy of Shakespeare’s  _ Coriolanus _ . 

 

Dick sat on the other side of Damian, occasionally prompting the baby to eat the eggs instead of catapulting them. Every now and then he also had to pause in eating his own sugary cereal to kick Tim under the table and remind him to finish his breakfast. Dick would be turning seventeen come march, and he was glad to only have two more years left of high school (including this one). 

 

Secretly, the adults in the house, Bruce and Alfred, weren’t looking forward to Dick graduating and moving out of the manor at all. He was better with the kids than either of them were. Dick was Damian’s favourite, and the baby, who would be a full toddler by the time that day came, would undoubtedly be heartbroken when the inevitable happened. 

 

As chaotic as it was, it was a perfectly normal morning in Wayne manor. 

 

The doorbell rang suddenly throughout the house. All conversation stopped at the sound, every child’s head snapping up to make eye contact with each other-- a tense moment of silence before the room erupted into shouts and cheers and stomping feet. 

 

“I’ll get it!” Jason leapt out of his seat, abandoning his play in favour of racing to the front door. 

 

“No, I got it!” Dick yelled and ran after him, chasing him out of the room and into the hall. He tackled his younger brother to the floor, the two of them landing in a scuffle on the carpet with a heavy thud. Past them ran Tim, Duke, and Cass, all yelling at the top of their lungs. Jason reached out and grabbed Tim’s ankle and the boy went down hard, taking Cass with him. 

 

“I win!” Duke ran on to the front door, the thrill of victory rushing through his veins. 

 

“Actually, I believe  _ I  _ win.” Somehow Alfred was already there and reaching for the doorknob, as if he’d appeared out of thin air. 

 

The kids of the manor all had different theories as to how Alfred was able to do that. Tim thought he secretly had the ability to teleport. Dick argued that Alfred had secret passageways in the walls, but he had yet to prove the existence of such passageways. Cass thought he was really a ninja. Jason figured Alfred was probably just a sneaky bastard. 

 

Bruce and Selina watched all this happen in amusement as Bruce unbuckled his baby son from his high chair. Damian was grumpy over being abandoned by his siblings in their race, and he squirmed unhappily was his father picked him up. 

 

They walked out of the dining room, stepping calmly over the still-wrestling pile of kids on the floor to go greet whoever was there. Selina wondered if the family was always this competitive to answer the door every time the doorbell rang. They were, actually, but she didn’t know that today they had the added factor of an expected guest.

 

“Good morning, Miss Talia.” Alfred said as he opened the door. Selina stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted the woman in the open doorway. 

 

This was the kind of woman that the words ‘drop dead gorgeous’ had been invented to describe. Her thick, wavy black hair fell freely down around her shoulders, framing her sharp face perfectly. Between her strong nose and high cheekbones, to the cool expression on her face, Selina thought a royal crown wouldn’t be out of place on her head. Her posture was that of a queen. She was decked out in all designer labels, all the latest fashions that Selina recognized. Her luggage was designer, too. And when she walked in she had an air of confidence like she owned the place. 

 

Suddenly the baby in Bruce’s arms squealed delightedly, and it was clear to Selina who this woman was. 

 

Talia Al Ghul, Bruce Wayne’s ex-wife.

 

“Umi!” Squealed Damian as he was passed to her. She held him close with a smile as the baby patted her face happily. 

 

“Hello, habibi.” She said. “Hello, children.” 

 

“Talia!” The Wayne children cheered, scrambling up from their dogpile on the carpet in the hall and running into the foyer to envelop the woman in a massive group hug. 

 

“Talia look, I grew another inch!”

 

“Mom, did you bring us presents again?”

 

“I drew you a picture, Talia, you wanna see it?”

 

“Guess what-- Damian learned two new words this week, Talia!”

 

“One at a time, children.” Talia laughed, a low little chuckle that sent shivers running down Selina’s spine. This woman oozed power. She wondered anxiously for a second how Talia would feel about  _ her _ — she figured she’d be lucky to escape with her life. 

 

“I’ll take your suitcase up to the guest room for you!” Crowed Jason, grabbing the bag and making a dash for the stairs. 

 

Talia cast a smirk down to the rest of the kids. “You’re just going to let him run off with your presents like that?”

 

Without another word Tim, Cass, Duke, and Dick were tearing after Jason, leaving Bruce, Selina, and Alfred in the foyer with Talia and Damian, who was still snuggled happily in his mother’s arms. Talia and Selina made eye contact, and Talia’s cool smile grew wider into a sly grin. Selina squared her shoulders, unwilling to be intimidated by this woman. 

 

But Talia, it appeared, wasn’t trying to intimidate anyone. She crossed the threshold quickly, shifting the baby in her arms to free one of her hands. 

 

“Hello, you must be Bruce’s new flame. I don’t believe we’ve met.” Said Talia smoothly. She took one of Selina’s hands in hers, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. Her lips lingered and their eyes met, and Selina felt her heart speed up at the glance. Damn.  _ Damn _ . “My name is Talia Al Ghul, I divorced Bruce last year. I wish you better luck with him than I had.” 

 

Selina blinked. “Thank you…” There was a trace of lipstick leftover on her hand. She made no move to wipe it off. “I’m Selina Kyle. It’s good to meet you, Talia.” 

 

Talia smiled again, then turned to face Alfred. She ignored Bruce, whose expression was stony. 

 

“Alfred, there’s a gift upstairs for you as well. I know you said you don’t require presents, but I couldn’t help but think of you when I saw it. I hope you don’t mind.” 

 

“Of course not, Miss Talia. Would you like me to take master Damian upstairs to the others?” 

 

Talia nodded, passing off the baby, who lucky for all of them, did not protest. 

 

The butler, now armed with the baby, went on up the stairs, and only then did Bruce greet Talia. Although ‘greet’ was perhaps too generous a word-- the noise Bruce made could barely be described as a grunt. He retreated back to the kitchen, and then Selina and Talia were the only ones left in the foyer.

 

Their eyes met, and Talia must have noticed the slight catch in Selina’s breath, because her smirk returned, only this time, while it still held a hint of the playfulness it had when the it was directed at the Wayne kids, it was also a lot more sly. Sensuous, almost. 

 

Then Dick came running back down the stairs, and the moment was over. He was wearing a new aviator jacket that he didn’t have a few minutes ago. 

 

“Thanks, Talia.” The teen said with a grin. “Hey, me and Selina are going to the mall soon, wanna come with us?” He asked, and then paused, as if only just realizing something, and turned to Selina. “Selina, is it cool if she comes with us?” 

 

Selina drew her attention from Dick back to Talia, whose smile was now polite and professional, so different from the  _ missus steal your girl  _ she was mere seconds ago-- Selina still believed she might not get out of this alive, but now it was for a completely different reason. 

 

“Of course Talia can come with us.” 

  
  
  


They took Talia’s car. Now, Selina did like expensive things, but expensive  _ cars _ weren’t exactly her area of expertise. That being said, Selina could tell that this car probably emitted hundred dollar bills from the exhaust instead of carbon monoxide. She spotted the rolls royce’s signature ornament on the sleek black hood, and it looked like if the queen of england was a supermodel and also a car— it had those kinds of vibes of high sophistication. Selina was impressed. So was Dick, who whistled appreciatively upon seeing it parked in the long driveway. 

 

“Wow, a Sweptail,” Dick said. “Can I drive?”

 

Talia stumbled, nearly tripping on the steps, the first chip in Talia’s aloof demeanor Selina had seen yet. 

 

“ **_No_ ** .” Talia snapped, all the blood draining from her face at the thought. Selina laughed. She’d never personally had to witness Dick’s driving, but she knew he had his learners permit and, well… it was a wonder he’d never gotten a ticket. Or died. Or accidentally killed anyone else. 

 

Dick pouted, but a spark of laughter remained in his eyes as he climbed in the backseat. Talia, who had already reclaimed her grace, took the driver’s seat while Selina sat in shotgun. 

 

The drive itself was rather uneventful. Dick and Selina made casual conversation while Talia navigated the nightmare that was Gotham traffic. Selina paid as much attention as she had to to what Dick was saying, but she had to admit she was paying more attention to the look of concentration on Talia’s face as she maneuvered in and out of lanes. 

 

It was almost funny, Selina thought, seeing Talia’s rolls royce parked among the minivans and sedans and priuses that populated the mall parking lot. Out of the corner of her eye she spotted someone who’d paused putting their shopping bags in the backseat of their car just to drop their jaw at the three of them. She supposed it wasn’t every day you go to the mall and see what are basically three well dressed supermodels get out of a car that you only see in magazines along with a price sticker that just says ‘more than you can afford’. 

 

As they walked to the entrance Dick came up between them, grabbing both their hands and practically skipping along as if he was six and not sixteen. Selina and Talia shared a look over the boy’s head (both women were only one and two inches taller than him, respectively, but they were both wearing heels), a moment of mutual amusement. 

 

Dick dragged the two women over to the escalator going up. “I need new pants again.” He said. “I swear every month all the jeans I own magically turn into capris. Honestly I never thought T could make me have as many growth spurts as I’ve been having, but here we are.”

 

Dick rolled his eyes as if this exasperated him, but really, a little thrill ran through him every time Alfred put another mark for him on the kitchen door frame where they recorded everyone’s heights. The little nicks of the knife seemed to creep higher every day. Dick loved that door frame. It wasn’t just his and the other kids’ heights marked on there. Bruce’s was, too, from when he was a kid, the sharpie letters faded with time. Dick looked at it sometimes, smiling at the little labels. The smile turned a little sadder when he noticed that sometime between  _ Bruce, 1991  _ and  _ Bruce, 1993 _ , the handwriting changed from an unfamiliar graceful swooping scrawl to Alfred’s clean, perfunctory cursive. 

 

Well, Dick really had no right to complain about the growing anyway, even if the nighttime pains were hell. Stretch marks he could deal with. At least he could  _ afford _ to replace his wardrobe every few months. 

 

“You’ll be taller than me, soon.” Talia said, and Dick looked at her with shining eyes. 

  
  
  


They stopped at Harry Rosen first, all the way up on the third floor. It was a menswear store that sold all kinds of designer brands. As soon as they went in an attendant rushed up to them, asking if there was anything she could help them with. Dick greeted her by name and politely declined. He made his way to a specific rack of jeans, searching the labels. Soon he found what he’d been looking for, brandishing the jeans to the women accompanying him with a grin. 

 

On the back of the waistband, a dark green label that Selina recognized right away. Bold golden script, swirling letters spelling the name Al Ghul. 

 

Talia smirked, and Selina turned to look at her in surprise. She’d almost forgotten Talia was a business superpower herself-- the woman wasn’t a designer, in fact her family’s company worked in green energy, but she employed many people to create a top fashion line anyway. They’d started with making women’s clothes that had proper pockets, but in more recent years they’d started making menswear as well. Selina looked between Dick and the piles of jeans he was pulling off the shelf. They were a lot more high waisted than men’s jeans usually were. She wondered if Dick was the reason Talia had her company branch out. These pants looked like they’d fit him better than almost anything else in the store. 

 

Selina really liked Al Ghul products. All her pants were Al Ghul. Surreptitiously she looked down, double checking to see if she’d worn Al Ghul that day. She breathed an internal sigh of relief when she saw she hadn’t. Would it be funny or embarrassing, if you met your boyfriend’s ex-wife for the first time wearing her own fashion line? 

 

Dick went into the changing rooms and Talia and Selina were left waiting on the plush seats, alone together for the second time that day. Selina risked a glance to the side only to realize that Talia was already looking right at her. 

 

“How long have you been dating Bruce?” Talia asked. Selina raised an eyebrow at her. 

 

“I have a feeling you already know.” 

 

Talia chuckled. “You’re right. I know everything.” 

 

Selina’s raised eyebrow intensified. Did Talia do background checks on all the women her ex-husband has gotten with since their divorce? 

 

Talia responded as if she’d read her mind. “I didn’t look into you because you and Bruce are together. I only started digging when I saw those paparazzi photos of you out in public with the children. I don’t care who Bruce spends his time with. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. My children, however, I am much more protective of.” She paused before speaking again. 

 

“Well, legally, all of them but Damian are  _ Bruce’s _ children. But I’m not above ignoring the law when I have to. They’re my babies as much as they are his.” Talia said, looking away at the inoffensive art decorating the walls, a twitch in her jaw. Selina decided not to probe. 

 

“I haven’t known the family as long as you have, but I totally get the protective mama bear thing.” Selina said, and Talia looked back at her. “They’re good kids. Sometimes I think I might be closer to them than I am to Bruce.” 

 

Talia got a look on her face, a look like she was saying  _ yeah, that’s what I thought _ , with the arch of her eyebrows and the smug pursing of her lips. Before she could say anything in response, the changing room door sprung open and out sauntered Dick, in a new pair of jeans. 

 

“Are you gossiping about me?” 

 

Selina snorted. “No, we’re exchanging casserole recipes.”

 

“Dick, those pants are too long in the leg.” Talia pointed out. Dick had rolled up the hem of the pants a couple of times until it sat comfortably around his ankle.

 

“I know, it’s on purpose. I’ll grow into them. Besides, it’s a look.” 

 

Talia huffed. Selina jumped in before she could argue. 

 

“They look great, Dick.” 

 

Dick smiled and struck a pose, then ducked back into the change room. 

 

Talia shot her a look. “He should just get clothes that fit him properly. He doesn’t  _ need _ to grow into them.” 

 

Selina just shrugged. They sat in silence for the rest of the time it took Dick to try on the clothes.

 

They left the store with four new pairs of Al Ghul jeans, a pair of corduroy pants and three pairs of dress pants, as well as two dress shirts. One was white with a lovely rose print, and the other was more tan with a similar but much tighter floral design. They were the only two button ups in the store that Dick didn’t describe as  _ chronically boring _ . Talia paid, flashing her black card with a finesse that had Selina biting her lip before she realized what she was doing. 

 

_ You stop that, now,  _ Selina scolded herself.  _ You have a boyfriend! And this is your boyfriend’s ex wife! It doesn’t matter how hot and rich she is. She’s extremely off limits and you’re not available.  _

 

After Harry Rosen it was Saint Laurent. Selina pawed through the racks of expensive tops as Talia and Dick chatted beside her. 

 

“Dick, I heard you made head cheerleader. Congratulations.” Talia said, patting Dick on the shoulder. Dick beamed up at her. 

 

“Ooh, head cheerleader? That’s pretty cool.” Selina chimed in, not taking her eyes off the clothes she was examining. 

 

Dick rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Yeah… Honestly, I didn’t even think I would get it. I thought for sure it would be Glimmer.” 

 

Selina shot him an incredulous look. “Okay first of all-- what kind of a name is Glimmer, and second, Mister  _ Spends- More- Time- Hanging- From- The- Chandelier- Than- He- Does- On- The- Ground _ didn’t think he would be head cheerleader?” 

 

Dick shrugged. “I dunno. Some old nickname that just stuck I guess. And I’m serious, Glimmer’s a senior, a great cheerleader, and Alison was grooming us  _ both  _ for captain all last year. Besides, when have you ever heard of a guy being head cheerleader?”

 

“Since just now.” Selina snatched a top from the rack, examining it for a second. It was a white bodysuit with a plunging neckline and covered in black lace. “I’m going to go try this on.” She walked off, taking the garment into a changing room nearby. 

 

“Dick, you are going to be the best head cheerleader Gotham Academy has ever seen, understand? And I’m sure the  _ only  _ one who thought you wouldn’t be head cheerleader is  _ you _ .” 

 

“Well, me and Glimmer.” Dick chuckled, swinging his shopping backs back and forth a little as they walked. “She was mad as hell when Linda announced it.” 

 

Talia frowned. “Keep an eye on her, then. Cheerleaders are catty, and dangerous when they’re angry.” 

 

Dick snorted. “Way to stereotype, Talia. Glimmer isn’t evil.” 

 

“Well, when she stabs you in the back, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Talia said with a sigh. 

 

In the changing room, Selina was standing in front of the mirror in the body suit, turning this way and that to admire her reflection. It fit perfectly, hugging close to her curves and pushing her bust up and out. She looked damn good. 

 

For a second she entertained the thought of stepping out of the changing room and asking Talia and Dick for their opinion on the one piece, just so Talia would see it. Tease her a little. The woman was off limits, sure, and Selina  _ wasn’t _ a cheater, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t flirt a little. 

 

Another moment of thought and Selina decided that that would probably be a bad idea, actually. 

 

It would be too easy to get carried away. 

 

But it was  _ not _ her fault there was definitely a spark there, and it was not her fault that there was a certain heat in the air every time they made eye contact. If this kept up, Selina was for sure going to find herself wondering if she’d gotten with the right Wayne-- or ex-Wayne.

 

She took the bodysuit off and changed back into her regular clothes. She draped the bodysuit over her arm and strolled out. Right outside the changing room lurked a sales attendant, probably checking to see if she’d stolen anything. Selina smiled at her as she trotted off to join Talia and Dick again. 

 

After that they stopped at Lush, were Dick got a couple of bath bombs, an exfoliating scrub and a stack of face masks, saying something about how the three of them should do a spa day together. Talia paid again, and then they went down a floor to the food court for lunch. 

 

Noon on a saturday was always a busy time for the mall. The food court was crowded and loud, with swarms of people carrying trays of food and waiting in long tines to order. Selina let out a little noise of disapproval at all the crowds. “You know we could go to a proper restaurant for lunch, right? Somewhere less… chaotic.” 

 

“When they start serving cheesy fries at Vittoria Trattoria then let me know.” Dick said, dragging the two women into the line at new york fries. The wait looked like it would be at least twenty minutes. Selina groaned. 

  
  
  


Back at the manor, the rest of the family had scattered to the winds (not really; Tim, Duke and Cass were at Jiu Jitsu practise, and Alfred, Bruce, Damian and Jason were at home still). Alfred was making a valiant effort of putting Damian down for his afternoon nap, while Bruce was in Jason’s room, helping his second oldest with a school project. Craft supplies and science handouts were scattered around the wood floor, with the two of them seated in the middle of the mess.

 

Jason was in the middle of explaining the project to Bruce -- they had to build a model of a cell and label each part-- when the man suddenly started laughing. Jason gave him a weird look.

 

“Uh, You okay?” He said. “You goin’ crazy or something?”

 

Bruce let out one last little chuckle. “No, I just remembered when Dick did this project when  _ he _ was in grade eight.” 

 

Jason smirked. “Yeah? And how’d he do?” 

 

“Well, once he was done complaining about having a project on the first week of school, he actually did pretty well. Dick is a kinesthetic learner.” Bruce rubbed his chin in thought. “I don’t think I have it anymore, though. Maybe he’s kept it in his room somewhere, I don’t know.” 

 

“Wait, was that when Dick kept accidentally responding to basically everything with ‘the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?” 

 

“No, that was when he was studying for the unit test.” Bruce said. Suddenly a buzzing sound filled the room, and Bruce fished his phone out of the back pocket of his slacks. “Hold on a second, I’ll be right back.” He stood up and dashed out the door. The sound on him answering the phone with no small amount of frustration could be heard as he wandered down the hall away from Jason’s room. Jason turned back to his own unstarted project, flipping through his notes with a semi-sour expression on his face. He’d asked Bruce to help  _ him _ with  _ his  _ science project, not reminisce about when Dick was his age like their dad always ended up doing. In through the open door trotted Ace, and Jason clicked his tongue to summon the german shepherd over to him. The dog dutifully lied down next to the boy, resting her head on this thigh. Jason scratched Ace’s ears absentmindedly while he waited for Bruce to come back. 

 

He did come back, no more than five minutes later, to see Jason had already gotten started.

 

Friday evening, Alfred had taken Jason to the craft store to get the supplies he would need. Strewn about the floor in front of the eighth grader was a large styrofoam form in the shape of a hollow half of a sphere, as well as several other small foam balls, beads, tempera paint, and packages of plasticine in all colours of the rainbow. Jason was laying down layers of newspaper over the wood floor, a sketch of his project propped up in front of him. 

 

“What do you need me to do, Jay-lad?”

 

Jason took a second to snort at the corny nickname before shoving the styrofoam form and tempera paint at Bruce. “Paint this orange,” he said as he started tearing open the packs of plasticine. “It’s gonna be the cell membrane. I’m gonna start sculpting the golgi apparatus.”

 

Obediently, Bruce accepted the styrofoam. He opened up the paint, got out a paintbrush, and started applying an even layer of bright orange paint to the foam. Jason then focussed on his own part, deftly sculpting the bright purple plasticine into little wedges. 

 

They worked in silence for a few minutes, Bruce painting and Jason putting the wedges into a short row as he sculpted them. It was nice, until they were interrupted by the sound of Bruce’s phone buzzing again.

 

Bruce paused in his painting to answer whatever text he’d just gotten. The keyboard of his phone made little tap-tap-tapping noises as the man typed away. Jason cast a little unimpressed look at him out of the corner of his eye, that Bruce didn’t seem to notice. 

 

It always felt like as soon as Bruce decided to take the day off, there was a new crisis at Wayne Enterprises every thirty seconds that demanded his attention. When he looked up from his phone after what Bruce would have sworn was only a minute, he saw that Jason was putting the finishing touches on the cell membrane himself. 

 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Jay,” Bruce said, feeling a little awkward. Jason shrugged him off.

 

“I got it.”

 

“Then, is there something else I can do?” He put his phone down (but still leaving it out just in case). 

 

Jason tossed him a package of green plasticine. “Make a bunch of little balls out of these. I’m gonna make the nucleus.” 

 

Bruce did, rolling the bits of plasticine into balls about the size of his thumbnail. Every so often he would check his phone again, but still he tried to stay on task. It wasn’t often he got to just spend time with his son. 

 

He didn’t really have much of a choice, though, when his phone lit up with a call from Lucius. If Lucius was calling him directly then it must have been important. Bruce grabbed his phone, cast an apologetic smile at Jason, and left the room. 

 

When he came back, Jason was packing up his materials. Bruce frowned. 

 

“Are you done already?” 

 

“Obviously not.” Jason snapped at his dad. “But you’re obviously busy so I’ll just ask Dick for help when he gets back.” Then he was standing up and stalking past Bruce out of his room, Ace trotting behind him. 

 

“Jason, wait—“ Bruce tried to apologize, but it was too late. Jason was already out of sight. 

  
  
  


Dick munched happily on his cheesy fries, quiet (a rare thing) while Talia and Selina chatted. He’d stopped paying attention to their conversation a while ago, letting his mind wander instead, but he was glad they seemed to be getting along really well. Talia was around a lot after all, and, well, Dick privately thought Selina would make a pretty good step mom. He had high hopes. 

 

Suddenly his attention was caught by someone nearby calling his name. 

 

“Hey, Dick!” Dick’s friends Roy and Donna were coming up to them, subway takeaway bags in hand. Dick beamed at them as they approached. 

 

“Hi guys!” Dick stood and greeting them both with a hug. His hands lingered on Roy’s shoulders as he pulled them closer to the table. “You’ve met Bruce’s girlfriend, Selina, right?” 

 

“Sure we have.” Donna said. “Hey Talia, mind if we steal Dick for a few hours?”

 

Donna and Roy were only two members of Dick’s substantially sized, tightly knit friend group. Others included Barbara Gordon, the commissioner's daughter who had been Dick’s first friend upon his arrival in Gotham, who Selina had also met and quite liked, as well as teens whose acquaintances she had yet to make, like Kori Anders and Wally West.

 

“Promise we’ll get him home safe and sound.” Roy chimed in. Talia smiled at them all. 

 

“I suppose there isn’t much I can do to stop you.” She said. “Besides, I said I’d pick Cass, Duke and Tim up from jiu-jitsu today, and I need to get going soon. Would you like to accompany me, Selina?”

 

Selina accepted the offer, and Dick turned to his friends with a grin. “Oh, Roy,” He said, batting his eyelashes playfully, much to Donna’s amusement. “Carry my bags for me?” 

 

Roy took the handfuls of shopping bags with a sickeningly sweet smile. “As you wish.” He said, and Dick fake swooned, which just made Donna laugh all that much harder. Dick picked up his container of cheesy fries and bid Talia and Selina goodbye, and so the three teens walked away, leaving Selina and Talia alone for the third time that day. 

 

They took up their own shopping bags, and started making their way back to the parking lot. 

 

“So, are we best friends now, or what?” Selina said, and was quite thrilled when she got a full force smile from Talia in return.  

 

“We absolutely are. I’m glad, actually-- I don’t really have a lot of female friends, so this is… very nice.” 

 

“We should do brunch sometime.” 

 

Talia laughed. She fished around her coat pocket for her car keys, then unlocked her car with a click. “Ah, yes, the ex wife and the new girlfriend, a perfect unlikely pair.” 

 

Selina ducked into the passenger seat, placing her bags at her feet. “Feminism at its finest.” 

 

“Bruce will be livid.”

 

“All the more reason to spend time together!” 

 

Talia laughed again as she started up the car, and there was a spark in her eyes that made Selina a little breathless. Oh, she was in trouble. She should probably nip this in the bud before it got out of control. 

 

Was she going to, though? 

 

No. 


End file.
